Pondering at the Window
I gazed out the window, unseeing. What I would have seen if I was looking would be a nondescript Jerusalem street. A tree, leafy green branches waving, a standard apartment building built in the traditional Jerusalem white stone.
I exhaled, leaning my elbows on the windowsill. Either it was me or the world had gone crazy. It had to be one or the other. Why? I don’t know. Was this evidence of my craziness?
An old, grizzled woman was plodding down the street. She was so typical, if I was in the mood for it, I would have laughed out loud. She had feathery gray hair, wore a floral housecoat, and shuffled along in bedroom slippers step by arduous step, her cane beating rhythmically against the pavement.
I felt like everything was wrong. As if someone had fisted my heart, twisted it and wouldn’t let go, squeezing out my energy. I took a deep quivering breath; it did not have the desired effect. The ache in my heart intensified.
A child, somewhere beyond my line of vision, was bouncing a ball. The sound went directly to my head, thudding against my brain. I held my weary head in my hands.
“I really am crazy,” I moaned.
I ambled over to the mirror and studied myself. Wavy brown hair framed a thin face with an olive complexion. Brown, almond shaped eyes, a straight decently sized nose, and full lips. I appeared normal.
Looks can be deceiving, a nasty voice inside my head commented.
I drifted back to the window. Dusk was falling. Everything, the tree, the white stone building across the street, the asphalt road was tinged blue in the fading light.
It was surreal. As if I was the image in the mirror seeing myself stare out the window. The girl at the window stirred, closed the window shades. I was then reunited with myself with a jolt. As if my soul had once more taken up residence.
I sank down at the table, forehead resting on clammy palms. I felt oppressed by an immeasurable heaviness. I felt as old as the woman who had passed by earlier, maybe even older. Maybe I should start wearing flowery housecoats, I thought irrelevantly.
Slowly my eyes began to close and I felt sleep creeping up on me. The pain in my heart gradually receded until I couldn’t feel it anymore. The throbbing in my head abated as well. I fell into the warm cocoon sleep accorded, grateful for the escape.
Good night, I murmured.